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Guys, It’s time to get your wife a gift.
The pressure is on.
This year, in the twelfth year of our marriage, I braved the wild world of purchasing clothes for my wife. I’ve decided it is one of the most difficult missions in the world. Nuclear engineering and brain surgery have nothing on clothes shopping in the women’s section. Perhaps you can perfectly comprehend the various sizes of women’s clothing but it’s beyond Greek to me. The risk is huge, get the wrong size, not only do you fail, you also offend. I entered Macy’s nervous and soon became overwhelmed. After some minor panic I got a classy coat for her Birthday and she loves it. Win.
Gift giving can get complicated. The golden rule, give to your wife what you would have her give to you, doesn’t work. Just because you want a fishing pole doesn’t mean you can get one for your wife. Just because she likes butterflies doesn’t mean she wants a butterfly knife. I’m sure there are women who would like a new pocket knife or a fishing pole for Christmas, but if it’s something you want more than her, you’re not fooling anyone.
The perfect gift for your wife this Christmas is emotional connection.
Stay with me guys.
I know emotional connection sounds intimidating. We have heard the message too often that guys suck at emotional connection. No one wants to fail. We especially don’t want to fail our wife. The truth is, you can win at emotional connection.
You have what it takes to connect well with your wife.
Get along with her parents. Interacting with in-laws can be stressful, especially during the holidays. Guys, to really impress your wife and connect better with her, invest in your relationship with her parents. First consider how you were raised and how that impacts your thoughts and behaviors; then discuss how her family has impacted her expectations of the holidays. To give the gift of connection, discuss family dynamics and expectations for the holidays and then build a strategy together to address them as a couple.
Make a holiday money plan with her. It’s also called a budget, but a plan sounds way better. Making a plan for your money together can drastically reduce the likelihood of volcanic eruption type money fights. Detail the amount of money available for gifts, travel, decorations, holiday food, and any other expenses unique to this time of the year. Discuss with your spouse how, together, you can make the best use of the resources you are blessed with. Ideally the budget will be ready before money is spent on holiday items but if you have already started spending simply incorporate the money already spent into the overall budget.
Parent with her. It could come as a shock to you but parenting is hard. Poor communication and planning regarding parenting causes major conflict in marriage. The best gift you can give your wife is to discuss what you and your wife would like your children to experience and learn this holiday season. When you develop a common goal negotiating the strategy to meet the goal is easier when you are a team.
Pray with her. Differences in religious traditions can become highlighted during the holidays. To reduce conflict and move to connection in your marriage this holiday season, discuss the spiritual meaning of each holiday and share your ideas for deepening your spiritual connection. Couples that pray together stay together.
Invest in sexual intimacy. Stress and busyness can limit your time and energy for romance, especially during the holidays. Guys, remember how we like to give gifts only because we like them? Yep, sex is like that, it’s easy to act selfish. Sexual intimacy is important to your wife; the best gift you can give her is focused attention on emotional connection. Try to increase affection, romance and foreplay. When you find little ways to increase the frequency and quality of sexual intimacy for her, you will experience increased connection and less conflict guaranteed.
Get organized. Bottom line, Christmastime is busy. The crazy amounts of Christmas parties, school programs, shopping, decorating, and holiday travel will make your head spin. The best gift you can give your wife is calm. You will only be able to provide times of calm if you are organized. Set up a holiday calendar with her. Make a visual calendar of the events, travel, parties, etc. It will provide a central station for the division of time and help you spot times when you can spend quality time.
The holiday season is full of cheer and happy memories but the busyness and stress that comes too often leads to conflict in marriage. You can reduce conflict and increase connection in your marriage this holiday season. It will be her most treasured gift.
To read more on making this holiday season Awesome, check out my latest resource.