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  • Writer's pictureBrian Lindner

Honesty is Powerful.

Updated: Mar 3, 2021

Honest Abe Copyright: anizza / 123RF Stock Photo

Honest Abe Copyright: anizza / 123RF Stock Photo

Honesty is a must for marriage, it allows connection to happen. Without honesty trust cannot develop and without trust your marriage is toast.

When someone says “honestly” before they say something or they say “can I be honest with you?” My natural response is to think, why does that person have to inform me they are being honest now? Were they not honest before?

Honesty is always better than lying because dishonesty destroys. The problem is not all honesty is the same. There is a better way and a worse way to be honest. Honesty can be hurtful when paired with rudeness or retribution; honesty works best when paired with tact and love.

Some couples are honest but terribly rude. When you are honest and rude it erodes the benefits of honesty. For example if you answer the classic question “Does this make me look fat?” honestly but rudely it’s not going to go well for your marriage. Your marriage could start to sound like Judge Judy, honest perhaps, but condescending and rude is no way to build connection.

Honesty can be hurtful when paired with rudeness or retribution; honesty works best when paired with tact and love.

Solution: Replace rudeness with tact. Always tell the truth with tact to retain a healthy connection in marriage. Tact is an advanced skill, it takes practice, a lot of practice for some, but it’s worth it. The relationship you build with your spouse matters. If you don’t like something your spouse says telling them in a manner that is honest and tactful is better than being honest and rude. Honesty is crucial but if you have no tact you will get nowhere. Honestly, what hurts worse than an “honest” put down?

Relationship tip: don’t say “honestly” before you say something hurtful to your spouse.

Some couples lie to each other. No surprise, they usually have marital problems. Even worse are couples who are honestly hurtful. They use honesty as extra fire power meant to injure. They choose to pair honesty with retribution and turn honesty into an excuse for poor behavior. For example saying “honestly you are a terrible husband” or “honestly you gross me out” may be honestly how you feel, but it does little for your relationship.

Solution: Replace retribution with love. Being honest with your spouse is best expressed with love. Honesty and love go hand-in-hand in marriage. Honesty creates trust and in turn motivates continued honesty. When she asks “Does this dress make me look fat?” (Tip: first of all change the question in your mind to “How do I look in this dress?”) pair your honest answer with love and your relationship will win.

It’s been said honesty is the best policy but rude and hurtful honesty is a bad policy. Honesty with tact and love is the best policy for your marriage.

What do you think ? 

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